Saturday, October 21, 2006
You, you, and maybe not you
So, in an attempt to procrastinate while I still can, I've been doing a lot of wedding planning this past week. The guest list has been the most daunting and controversial part so far, and has crept from what was going to be a small intimate wedding to one where people gasp when they hear the number (no it's not actually that bad, but it's nearing twice the original number). So what do I do?
Wedding planning websites unanimously say: invite who is important to you now. People you meet later, or people you've lost touch with, will apparently understand that they weren't fully in your life at the time, and didn't deserve the $x a plate you would pay to have them there.
My big dilemma, however, is the parents' side of the guest list. My parents, much like myself, hang out with people with means higher than their own. Meaning: they're invited to just about every wedding no matter how fringe they may be, but to reciprocate the niceties is difficult, but necessary. I don't care what the wed-sites (yes, my own creation) say, but you can't not reciprocate, it is still just rude.
That said, how do people strike a happy medium? My parents and I have a decidedly larger social net than Kevin and his family, even with half our family not coming from Taiwan. As the hosts of the reception, that is normal, but to what extent? I wanted a small celebration of 200 max, but if my parents are going to reserve half of that for their friends, I'm going to need my friends there to compensate and actually have fun (crazy Asian parents trying to be young is a great thing, but I have a feeling it may be harder for Kev & his family to grasp than crazy Asian young adults).
Anyone have any tips? Most people I know haven't gotten married, and those that have had much larger affairs than I am going for (funny contrast: most of Kevin's friends who get married have smaller weddings than ours). Is it worth it to blow my entire parental budget on the food to cater that many people? Is it selfish to want to spend some of that on myself so I'm not stuck with more debt? Yes, it is still 10 months away, but I gotta get this down before I can start with the rest of it (it is the largest part of the budget, of course).
My mother and I struck a deal earlier this summer without laying down exactly how we were going to do it. It was a great breakthrough for us working through a conflict, but I don't think it's paying off at all. Deal was: she can invite whoever she wants as long as it doesn't affect how much budget I get for non-reception related things. Problem is, adding people at all intrinsically decreases my budget. I can't really ask her to split the guest count into two and then make her pay for her friends out of the budget on her own dime (well, I guess that was the original deal). They're being generous enough to pitch in at all (I always assumed it'd be all on me), and I can appreciate that.
That said, there are several priorities, some of which have already been met: the place had to have an outdoor ceremony and on-site reception, surrounding buildings needed great architecture (hey, you can save money on decor!), it would have some more casual elements (to loosen up the atmosphere and reflect our no-frills relationship), and family had to be there.
I can safely say my closest friends are all in the bridal party or will hopefully be helping out in other ways (haven't asked yet), so having them there will not be a problem. My family in the States will probably all come, although the entire half that's still in Taiwan probably won't (which sucks). Kevin's family, friends, and his parents friends (all put together) take up maybe the same amount as my parents friends alone (not including family), so he's being great about that.
Now it's time, since I've built up the list, to start paring it down. Probably will let it simmer until I go home in December, but it will be many tearful nights with my parents to figure this part out, because it has to be a give and take. Is it horrible to want more of my friends there than my parents friends? It's not a competition, but if my parents are being "allowed" to invite so many people, shouldn't I, as the bride, get whoever I want too? Yes, I realize I'm going a little bridezilla on y'all right now, but I'm still trying to figure it out.
As Cari reminds me every once in a while: it only happens once. Do what you want.
Wedding planning websites unanimously say: invite who is important to you now. People you meet later, or people you've lost touch with, will apparently understand that they weren't fully in your life at the time, and didn't deserve the $x a plate you would pay to have them there.
My big dilemma, however, is the parents' side of the guest list. My parents, much like myself, hang out with people with means higher than their own. Meaning: they're invited to just about every wedding no matter how fringe they may be, but to reciprocate the niceties is difficult, but necessary. I don't care what the wed-sites (yes, my own creation) say, but you can't not reciprocate, it is still just rude.
That said, how do people strike a happy medium? My parents and I have a decidedly larger social net than Kevin and his family, even with half our family not coming from Taiwan. As the hosts of the reception, that is normal, but to what extent? I wanted a small celebration of 200 max, but if my parents are going to reserve half of that for their friends, I'm going to need my friends there to compensate and actually have fun (crazy Asian parents trying to be young is a great thing, but I have a feeling it may be harder for Kev & his family to grasp than crazy Asian young adults).
Anyone have any tips? Most people I know haven't gotten married, and those that have had much larger affairs than I am going for (funny contrast: most of Kevin's friends who get married have smaller weddings than ours). Is it worth it to blow my entire parental budget on the food to cater that many people? Is it selfish to want to spend some of that on myself so I'm not stuck with more debt? Yes, it is still 10 months away, but I gotta get this down before I can start with the rest of it (it is the largest part of the budget, of course).
My mother and I struck a deal earlier this summer without laying down exactly how we were going to do it. It was a great breakthrough for us working through a conflict, but I don't think it's paying off at all. Deal was: she can invite whoever she wants as long as it doesn't affect how much budget I get for non-reception related things. Problem is, adding people at all intrinsically decreases my budget. I can't really ask her to split the guest count into two and then make her pay for her friends out of the budget on her own dime (well, I guess that was the original deal). They're being generous enough to pitch in at all (I always assumed it'd be all on me), and I can appreciate that.
That said, there are several priorities, some of which have already been met: the place had to have an outdoor ceremony and on-site reception, surrounding buildings needed great architecture (hey, you can save money on decor!), it would have some more casual elements (to loosen up the atmosphere and reflect our no-frills relationship), and family had to be there.
I can safely say my closest friends are all in the bridal party or will hopefully be helping out in other ways (haven't asked yet), so having them there will not be a problem. My family in the States will probably all come, although the entire half that's still in Taiwan probably won't (which sucks). Kevin's family, friends, and his parents friends (all put together) take up maybe the same amount as my parents friends alone (not including family), so he's being great about that.
Now it's time, since I've built up the list, to start paring it down. Probably will let it simmer until I go home in December, but it will be many tearful nights with my parents to figure this part out, because it has to be a give and take. Is it horrible to want more of my friends there than my parents friends? It's not a competition, but if my parents are being "allowed" to invite so many people, shouldn't I, as the bride, get whoever I want too? Yes, I realize I'm going a little bridezilla on y'all right now, but I'm still trying to figure it out.
As Cari reminds me every once in a while: it only happens once. Do what you want.
# posted by ange : 11:26 AM
Comments:
<< Home
the thing about chinese people tho is that they don't give gifts, they give money. and they're supposed to give more than their 'fair share' of dinner and watever costs. so really, the more of them you invite, the more money you're supposed to get back. altho you shouldn't just invite them to turn a profit at your wedding. :)
well, the thing is, my parents are shelling out the money to feed the people. when they give the money, they're technically giving meANDkevin the money, which isn't exactly paying my parents back. that's what i feel bad about - my parents are SOL financially by inviting so many random people.
<< Home
Post a Comment