Monday, April 02, 2007
Just a crack in the levee
I am not an emotional person. Those that know me know this to be true about 95 percent of the time (the other 5 percent is made up by daily road rage). These past few days have been both the highlight and lowlight of my year thus far. So do you want the good news or the bad news first? For loss of better reasoning, we will go chronologically.
So the good news. Matt & Suje are finally "The Foulkes's!" I can honestly say the entire weekend was awesome - two nights and five hotel rooms full of people I've grown to know and love, whether it be over a few years or just a few days. The wedding itself was beautiful, and darling Kevin delivered what Sandy Foulkes's friend called "the best toast I've ever heard" (and he wasn't a young guy). I loved every second of the weekend, and wish I could go back. But no fear - we'll always have Pala. ;) ::smooches::
On to the not-so-good. After speaking to my brother for the first time in days, he informs me of the recent death of a Rice University student (cause of death pending autopsy). As you may know, Rice's entire undergraduate population could fit into some of the larger high schools down here (about 4,000). Derrick's met the kid before and is friends with his brother and two of their cousins. A quick Google-search came up with two blog posts mentioning the deceased within the past 24 hours. One - a mere cut and paste of the Associated Press article that's appeared in all the local papers. The other - a first-hand account of the weekend from a Rice alum back in town for the annual Beer Bike (yes, Rice has an offical Beer Bike). It was this second account that mentioned the rumor of an overdose.
Now, growing up in sheltered Orange County, we've been protected from a lot of realities like this. I remember kids in high school passing away from cancer or a stray bullet, but never self-inflicted harm. I remember rumors around UCI about which campus building has had the most suicides committed off of it, but can't put any names. Most recently, I remember the guy from the neighboring apartment building that jumped from who-knows-how many stories up into our trash alley at my last apartment in New York, where our apartment was the closest one in the building to the back door.
Funny how selective memory makes you forget the bad. On a normal day, if you asked me about college, I'd respond "It was the best four years of my life! I had a blast!" But when these things reappear in your consciousness, you remember. You remember the time you hated your life. You remember the time you wished it would end. You remember how you thought no one would understand. It's just a fact of life, and most people go through those depths. College is a breeding ground for those types of thoughts - you're on your own for the first time and you have the space to be depressed (it's hard to do at home without a lock on your door - not that you don't do it anyways). But there's also the space to be forgotten. The freedom to do what you wish, when you wish. Don't get me wrong - college is a great place that everyone should experience. As much as I dislike the way UCI is run academically, socially it flat-out rocked.
After being out of college for a few years, however, you realize, there is always a way back up. Many of those that I began my adult life with have gone through their depths, some more heartbreaking than others, but now have found their place. It's heartwrenching to be reminded that not everyone makes it out.
For those of you reading that have made it out, I'm glad you did. Love y'all.
